Wet Dream
by Yuniz
Summary: Stan & Kyle are having a sleepover...then stuff happens. Oneshot.


AN: Why is it so easy to put South Park characters into situations like this? XD

---

It was a quiet Friday night in South Park, Colorado, and for a particular pair of super best friends, Friday night always meant that there was to be a sleepover. It didn't matter whose house it was held at - in fact, neither of them even knew why they still did it. But, it had been a tradition of a couple of years now, and as most traditions are, it would probably survive a while longer.

At tonight's sleepover, Kyle laid awake in bed, his heart pounding. Was that his name that he had just heard murmured?

Meanwhile, Stan was sleeping in the same bed, having a wet dream. In it, he and Kyle were doing the dirty at a school assembly, surrounded by cheers and jeers. The two boy's bodies were like a single amorphous mass as they touched. He could barely control himself, and neither could Kyle...at least in the dream.

"Kyle," He murmured to himself in his sleep, rolling onto his side and hugging a large section of blanket, leaving Kyle uncovered.

"Dammit, Stan!" Kyle tried to pull the blanket back onto himself, but it was to no avail. Stan had a surprisingly strong grip. Still, Kyle pulled and tugged and yanked, his face scrunched in concentration. "I'm freezing my ass off over here!"

"Ass," muttered Stan, clinging tighter than ever to the blanket. Unexpectedly, he rolled right onto Kyle, who let out a sharp yelp of surprise.

"Ugh," Stan grunted as his eyes flicked open. "K-kyle?"

"Get off me," said Kyle, trying to push Stan off.

"No," A sleepy Stan made his way onto Kyle's lap, and his arms found a place on Kyle's shoulders. "You know, I just dreamed that we were having sex,"

Kyle's eyes got wide. "Dude, sick!"

"Hmm, not really," It seemed that Stan was on some sort of drug, maybe cough syrup or Ritalin. Kyle wasn't sure which it was. "I think we should have sex,"

"W-w-why?" stammered Kyle.

"Because I dreamed about it, and I want my dream to come true,"

"But what if Ike walks in on us?"

Stan lifted his hand up and absentmindedly fiddled with Kyle's curly hair. "I thought you said that he was at Jew Scouts,"

"He is, but-" Kyle had no suitable answer prepared. "My parents! What about them?"

The dazed one lightly chortled. "I bet they're too busy with their own thing to care about what you do,"

"Ah, well, um-" Stan's eyes were boring into his like laser beams, attracting him like magnets, and he reluctantly turned to face Stan. "Still, it's wrong,"

Stan let out a lazy sigh. "This story was going to be a nice little lemon between two good friends, but now it'll have to be a nonconsensual ass ramming fic. What a shame,"

"What are you talking about?" Kyle asked, trying to make sense of what Stan had said. "You don't mean-"

"I mean it," Stan said in a ragged growl, pressing his weight down onto Kyle and forcing him onto his back. Both were suddenly very alert...Stan from his arousal, and Kyle from the awkward situation he was in right now."You. Me. Mansex."

Kyle nearly screamed, but stopped himself just in time. He really didn't want his parents hearing him...after all, there was always a risk. "Mansex?"

"Mansex is the hottest kind of sex, you know," Stan allowed himself a wicked smile. "Except when there's a chode," His smile turned into a frown.

"Chodes?"

"Yeah, chodes, they're really troublesome,"

"...what the fuck is a chode?"

Stan ignored Kyle's question, instead choosing to unbutton his friend's pajama shirt. "I believe...we can accomplish something tonight, you and me."

As soon as the shirt went off, Kyle was chattering away and holding himself, trying to become warm. Stan sighed. "It's not that cold," Still, Kyle was too cold to respond, so he just shot a dirty look at Stan. He tried to get up to fetch the article of sleep clothing, but Stan's weight kept him down.

"Stan," He whispered as a strong gust of wind whoosed outside. "If you try to do anything to me, I will fucking kill you,"

"You wouldn't dare," The moonlight that shone into the dark room lit up Stan's facial features, making him appear almost...sinister. "You love me too much," With that final remark, he made another move onto Kyle, and thus the mansex began. Stan had been right - Kyle's parents had no idea what their son was doing, and if they did know, they were too lazy to do anything about it.

---

_Much later..._

---

The two friends were snuggling together in the bed. They were not sharing the blanket evenly, thanks to Stan.

"Equallness is for Melvins," He had said, moving closer to Kyle and taking a bit more of the blanket in the process.

Now, as they laid together, Kyle thought about what they had just done. Sure, it was a good experience, but could it have been better? Hmm...probably not. Stan was right - mansex was the hottest kind of sex. And, better yet, Stan hadn't thrown up at all.

They were about to go to sleep, but then the window creaked open. Kyle heard it first. With alarm, he shook Stan awake and motioned to the window. Stan's eyes went wide. He put his arms around Kyle in a sickeningly protective way.

"Who is it?!?" He called out, sounding rather masculine. "I'll castrate you!!"

"Is that any way to talk to your friend?"

Stan and Kyle watched, dumbstruck, as Kenny slid in over the threshold.

"Whatever you do, don't castrate me," He laughed, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"Kenny..." Kyle murmured. "Why the fuck are you here?"

"Why the fuck was I not here earlier?" With the stealth of a ninja, Kenny slid in between Stan and Kyle, throwing his gangly arms onto their shoulders. "Broflovski, I could have heard your screams even if I was deep in Mr. Slave's ass,"

At that, Kyle blushed. "I didn't think I was being that loud..."

"Yeah, you were," said Stan playfully.

"Now, all we need is Cartman," mused Kenny. "After all, four is better than three,"

"Since when was that a saying?" Kyle shot Kenny THE LOOK.

"Since now," There was the same creaking sound as before, and lo and behold, there was Cartman in all his fatass glory. He let out a grunt as he tumbled into the bedroom headfirst. "Ah, here he is,"

"Who's 'he'?" asked Cartman stupidly, standing up and dusting himself off. He drank in the sight of Stan, Kyle, and Kenny on the bed, and let out a mad laugh. "Dude, you three look like fucking fags right now!"

"You're one to talk," Kenny winked, wearing an innocent expression.

Cartman flipped him off, then turned his attention to Stan and Kyle. "I knew it all along, you two were hot for each other,"

"He forced himself onto me!" Kyle exclaimed, sounding more guilty than he wanted to sound. "He was having a wet dream and it led to something more,"

It was now Stan's turn to be horrified. "Dude!" He shouted. "Don't tell Cartman everything!"

The fatass smiled in satisfaction. "Sweet, three fags in a bed," His gaze flickered away from a moment, but it quickly returned, trained harder than ever on the three. "This means...rape,"

Kyle let out a girlish scream, as did Stan. Kenny's scream sounded more like a lion being electrocuted.

"Dude, run!" yelled Stan as he saw Cartman holding phallic devices that shone in the moonlight. Kenny and Kyle did not need any further encouragement. They practically flew out the window, conviniently landing like cats. Kyle ran to his car, and with a twist of the key, they were off into the night.

'I'll get you next time!" Cartman was yelling from the driveway. Kenny simply mooned him from the back window.

"So, Kyle, what was this 'wet dream' you were talking about earlier?" He asked, pulling his pants back up.

The pink color returned to Kyle's cheeks. "Stan was having it,"

Kenny quickly directed his attention to Stan. "Please, tell me all about it,"

Stan blushed, and Kenny felt himself getting hard. People who blushed made him so hard...you have no idea. Maybe you do, but still.

"It was nothing," Stan shook off the matter, smiling to himself. "Nothing at all,"

---


End file.
